Blessings

Man oh man how painful yet amazing it is when your unfaithfulness comes face to face with God's faithfulness. It is in that moment that you realize that you are a big liar, that all of the times you told God and others that you were fully trusting Him, you weren't at all. Sure you were wanting to trust Him, you knew that you should trust Him, that things always turn out better than you could planned them, but even with this mantra you now know you were just kidding yourself.

Sometimes (though very few) it may have been unadulterated trust but for the most part it was an outside persona of trust with a soft middle of being unsure, scared, and bracing yourself for the disappointment that you could foresee. But here is the truth, a pure faithfulness and trust has no soft interior, there is no doubt, there is no bracing, there are no real expectations (which is where I find myself failing most of the time), there is nothing but belief that God is in control and that whatever comes about will be the best because it is what our good and loving God has planned and ordained.

I praise God for His perfect provision and plan and though I am thankful for this lesson I look forward to the day where I have learned this lesson, when during those prayer and silent times I can truly say I have no expectations, no agenda, no worry, nothing but trust that God is wonderful and amazing and His plan is good enough for me.

I just don't know

Sometimes God really puzzles me, what his plan is, why things happen like they do, what is going on, why my plan didn't happen? I just don't know... I mean He has proven over and over again that he is in charge and that he will pull threw and give me what he has promised in Jeremiah "plans to prosper me to give me a hope and a future". But why is He being so mysterious about what this is? I just don't know...this time it feels like he isn't as involved and that maybe he has forgotten me. I of course know that it is my fault and it is that I haven't spent the time with him that I need to and that I am the one who has drifted away. I know that I need to be more devoted and try to get back to the real relationship that we used to have. I just don't know... why has my life totally flipped upside down in the past few months, am I missing something, did I do something wrong, should I have done things differently? And why hasn't it righted itself yet? I just don't know... I keep second guessing myself and all the decisions that I have made, I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do, but it seems like after making these decisions the way I thought God was guiding me I have somehow lost touch with Him, now I am unsure. Maybe I lost him before making these decisions and have made the wrong decisions, maybe I just did what I thought was right and didn't look to God enough. I don't think that this is what happened but it just doesn't make sense. I just don't know...

Finding God

I missed the Harry Potter craze when it first came around but after seeing the preview for the latest movie I decided that I now wanted to read them. I just finished the second book and have to say that they are pretty enjoyable. I love that God is so evident in popluar culture, in music that is not labeled as "christian", in movies that may even have an R rating, and in books that some would consider "of the devil" do to witchcraft.

As I was reading the Chamber of Secrets I found a quote that I really loved. Dumbledore the great wizard who is head of the school of magic tells Harry Potter "It is our choices, Harry that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." I believe that this is often what God tells us as well. It doesn't matter if we feel we can or can not do something, it isn't if we feel we don't have the skills to do this or that, it is the choice that we make. Are we going to listen to God and do what He is calling us to do, or are we going to sit back on our behinds and ignore His calling because we feel we "Don't have the abilities to do that" God gave us gifts for a reason and in order to develop our gifts and skills we must use them. Isn't it nice to know that our effort counts for more than our ability?

Happiness Is...

"I have observed that when any of us embarks on the pursuit of happiness for ourselves it eludes us. Often I've asked myself why? It must be because happiness comes to us only as a dividend. When we become absorbed in something demanding and worthwhile above and beyond ourselves happiness seems to be there as a by-product of the the self giving."
-- Catherine Marshall (A Closer Walk)

What are we throwing ourselves into, what are we doing with our time, how are we serving God.What are we doing that is demanding and worthwhile, that is bigger than our self - centered lives, in order to earn our happiness dividend?

always wanting what we don't have

I came across this video today while I was working on my Sunday School lesson for my youth. http://www.tangle.com/view_video.php?viewkey=9d4d5f859286381ff764 Funny how what we have is never enough and how we are always wanting and wishing for more. It might serve us well to just be happy where we are with what we have, we might very well end up with what we want but in a place that we don't want to be in. Praise God for knowing what exactly what He is doing!