Man oh man how painful yet amazing it is when your unfaithfulness comes face to face with God's faithfulness. It is in that moment that you realize that you are a big liar, that all of the times you told God and others that you were fully trusting Him, you weren't at all. Sure you were wanting to trust Him, you knew that you should trust Him, that things always turn out better than you could planned them, but even with this mantra you now know you were just kidding yourself.
Sometimes (though very few) it may have been unadulterated trust but for the most part it was an outside persona of trust with a soft middle of being unsure, scared, and bracing yourself for the disappointment that you could foresee. But here is the truth, a pure faithfulness and trust has no soft interior, there is no doubt, there is no bracing, there are no real expectations (which is where I find myself failing most of the time), there is nothing but belief that God is in control and that whatever comes about will be the best because it is what our good and loving God has planned and ordained.
I praise God for His perfect provision and plan and though I am thankful for this lesson I look forward to the day where I have learned this lesson, when during those prayer and silent times I can truly say I have no expectations, no agenda, no worry, nothing but trust that God is wonderful and amazing and His plan is good enough for me.
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