Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Getting Lost

I decided since today was my break from working out that I would take Finley for a walk so as not to get too used to the lazy life. So armed with the dog and my IPOD set to some Matt Redman worship tunes I set out. We went to the neighborhood that is near our apartment complex and with no real plan in order we started walking. Like most neighborhoods this one can get a little confusing so Finley, God, and I got a little lost -- sort of... I knew where we were and kind of how to get out but I had no real desire or need to make it back quickly -- so we wandered just enjoying the sunshine, music, and worshipping God. I am sure that most people thought that I was a crazy woman, walking around singing out loud with my dog but it was a totally wonderful walk. I encourage each of you to take a little time this week to get lost!

Friday, May 14, 2010


Man oh man how painful yet amazing it is when your unfaithfulness comes face to face with God's faithfulness. It is in that moment that you realize that you are a big liar, that all of the times you told God and others that you were fully trusting Him, you weren't at all. Sure you were wanting to trust Him, you knew that you should trust Him, that things always turn out better than you could planned them, but even with this mantra you now know you were just kidding yourself.

Sometimes (though very few) it may have been unadulterated trust but for the most part it was an outside persona of trust with a soft middle of being unsure, scared, and bracing yourself for the disappointment that you could foresee. But here is the truth, a pure faithfulness and trust has no soft interior, there is no doubt, there is no bracing, there are no real expectations (which is where I find myself failing most of the time), there is nothing but belief that God is in control and that whatever comes about will be the best because it is what our good and loving God has planned and ordained.

I praise God for His perfect provision and plan and though I am thankful for this lesson I look forward to the day where I have learned this lesson, when during those prayer and silent times I can truly say I have no expectations, no agenda, no worry, nothing but trust that God is wonderful and amazing and His plan is good enough for me.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

I just don't know

Sometimes God really puzzles me, what his plan is, why things happen like they do, what is going on, why my plan didn't happen? I just don't know... I mean He has proven over and over again that he is in charge and that he will pull threw and give me what he has promised in Jeremiah "plans to prosper me to give me a hope and a future". But why is He being so mysterious about what this is? I just don't know...this time it feels like he isn't as involved and that maybe he has forgotten me. I of course know that it is my fault and it is that I haven't spent the time with him that I need to and that I am the one who has drifted away. I know that I need to be more devoted and try to get back to the real relationship that we used to have. I just don't know... why has my life totally flipped upside down in the past few months, am I missing something, did I do something wrong, should I have done things differently? And why hasn't it righted itself yet? I just don't know... I keep second guessing myself and all the decisions that I have made, I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do, but it seems like after making these decisions the way I thought God was guiding me I have somehow lost touch with Him, now I am unsure. Maybe I lost him before making these decisions and have made the wrong decisions, maybe I just did what I thought was right and didn't look to God enough. I don't think that this is what happened but it just doesn't make sense. I just don't know...

Sunday, September 6, 2009


You know dusk, right when the sun has mostly set but there is still just a tad bit of light in the sky but it is mostly dark? I love that time of the day! It is really the best in the mountains, when all you can see are the outlines of the mountains and the beautiful darkish sky right above your head. This is the time of the day where everything is at peace, where you can stop and take a relaxing breath, and you just know that everything in the world is just as it should be. I love dusk!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Thanks for that...whatever that was

In the movie Cabin Boy there is a scene where this guy is dancing -- and Chris Elliot says, "Thanks for that...whatever that was." The other day those were my sentiments exactly. Bobby and I went to a great bluegrassy concert. But before the concert began I noticed that these people brought in some hula hoops and I thought "huh what is going on here." As the show began these people began hula hooping to the music. I mean it was crazy, this wasn't your elementary school hula hooping--they were using their necks, legs, and fingers to hoop along to the music, they were serious about this hula hooping. It was really like a train wreck you just couldn't stop watching, this was quite the amazing once in a lifetime experience, it really was one of the silliest things I have ever seen.

But here is the thing, these people were pretty much a spectacle but they were doing something they loved and really feeling the music. So here is my question why can't more of us act this way in worship? I mean these people were at a Bluegrass concert making fools of themselves for Old Crow Medicine Show. Why can't we get into worship this much, why can't we let go and not care that others are watching and that they might be pointing fingers and snickering at us. I mean people thought that David was literally insane due to his singing and dancing.

So who's bringing their hula hoop to church on Sunday??

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

one of those days

Have you ever had one of those days, where you wake up and everything is going along swimmingly, it seems it is going to be a great day, then all of a sudden something comes your way that takes you out like a Mack truck? It might not be a really awful thing but right now in this season of your life it is very discouraging. Well it has been one of those days for me.

I am praying for God's guidance, wisdom, love for others, understanding, and rationale.

Friday, August 7, 2009

summer nights

The summer night is like a perfection of thought. ~Wallace Stevens
The weather has been glorious this week, the days have been mild and breezy and the nights have never smelled sweeter. Weeks like this are what get me iching for fall, I love fall and I can almost taste it this week. However, I am sure it is just a teasing since we still have a full month of summer and the month of September before it will truly be fall here in VA. So I am trying to wait patiently and enjoy the moment that I am in. So I will enjoy this wonderful mild week of the summer and prepare to drink in the sticky days that are sure to come after this beautiful week.