Thursday, December 31, 2009

I just don't know

Sometimes God really puzzles me, what his plan is, why things happen like they do, what is going on, why my plan didn't happen? I just don't know... I mean He has proven over and over again that he is in charge and that he will pull threw and give me what he has promised in Jeremiah "plans to prosper me to give me a hope and a future". But why is He being so mysterious about what this is? I just don't know...this time it feels like he isn't as involved and that maybe he has forgotten me. I of course know that it is my fault and it is that I haven't spent the time with him that I need to and that I am the one who has drifted away. I know that I need to be more devoted and try to get back to the real relationship that we used to have. I just don't know... why has my life totally flipped upside down in the past few months, am I missing something, did I do something wrong, should I have done things differently? And why hasn't it righted itself yet? I just don't know... I keep second guessing myself and all the decisions that I have made, I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do, but it seems like after making these decisions the way I thought God was guiding me I have somehow lost touch with Him, now I am unsure. Maybe I lost him before making these decisions and have made the wrong decisions, maybe I just did what I thought was right and didn't look to God enough. I don't think that this is what happened but it just doesn't make sense. I just don't know...

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